As women, too often we do not set boundaries, mainly because we are not sure how to, our examples did not have them, or we feel it may offend others. Boundaries are simply mandatory as they protect us, help us feel safe in relationships, and teach others in our world how to interact with us.
The dictionary definition of boundaries states that they are: “guidelines, rules, or limits that a person creates to identify for him or herself what are reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how he or she will respond when someone steps outside those limits.” To put that in basic terms, boundaries represent physical and emotional limits that you do not want other people to cross. They help define your sense of self by separating your needs, desires, thoughts, and feelings from those of others.’ Boundaries are the dividing lines between you and everyone else and they help make you an individual from the group. Knowing that you do not like to talk about family problems at work is your boundary, even though your co-workers feel ok doing that.
As successful women who are stress-less, we must create personal guidelines/policies that we use to G.U.A.R.D. our peace in every area of our lives. It is imperative not just in the workplace, it is necessary for our families, friends, church members, and community. The World Health Organization (WHO) has reported that since the pandemic there has been a tsunami of mental health issues. There is a need to create new personal policies as the world has changed and we must as well.
G. U. A. R. D.
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable
On your road to being a successful and stress-less woman, there will be conversations and situations that will arise that make you feel “some kind of way”. It is OK to not be Ok, it is NOT OK to not acknowledge them. If you have new spaces and places where you may need to establish boundaries do not get stuck on feelings of awkwardness, fear, or guilt when expressing your needs.
Understand our needs and priorities
As women, we will put everything and everyone on the priority list in our life except ourselves. As you walk in the space of protecting your boundaries you must first know yourself and your needs physically, emotionally, spiritually, and cognitively. Make sure you are at the top of your own to-do list.
Articulate your policies with clarity
Communication is such a game changer as the only way people know our boundaries is if we tell them. Even when we share our rules of engagement, take the time for a discussion to ensure the other party is clear. We teach people how to engage with us by what we say and then what we do. As successful and stress-less women we are not just talking a policy ….we practice what we preach.
Respect the boundaries of others
There is a rap song by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five that says, “don’t push me ’cause I am close to the edge, I am trying not to lose my head.” We do not want to ask people to respect our boundaries and blatantly disregard others. If you need a moment to gather your thoughts, extend the same to others.
Develop consequences
There must be a response or reaction when your boundaries are not respected and honored by the people in your world. Decide what you will do, whether will you take a break from the relationship, or terminate a business relationship. Whatever you choose to do stay firm and if it is challenging for you, get support from a colleague, friend, or spiritual leader.
Please know that you are valuable in every area of your life, and you deserve to protect your boundaries….create them and stick to them. You will find that it will decrease stress and increase peace.
Dr. Sabrina Jackson is known as the People Expert, as she helps people with people, even if that person is themselves. She is the creator of Essential Colors, a DEI Expert, an Author, and a TV Personality. For more information, visit www.sabrinajackson.com
